It has been a while...

My goodness - I think I have said it before, but now you can believe me... I would never make it as a professional blogger!  I haven't updated you all on our progress with "7" in a couple months!!!

Bear with me as I try to give you a brief update with months 2 (possessions) and 3 (waste) before diving into month 4 (food).

Month 2 - Possessions
This month we were to recognize how much stuff/junk we have in our house that we don't need but others do.  Our "task" was to pick 7 items per day to give away.  We decided to make it a little tougher - Andy and I each had to give away 7 items per day and the girls each had to give away 1 item per day.  That equates to 196 items for me... 196 items for Andy... and 28 items each for the girls.  So we started plunging into our closets.  By day 10 I was able to collect 196 items.  By day 10 Andy collected 196 items.  God was pleased - but wanted more.  We kept going.  It is amazing how much stuff we have and could easily do without.  I am not a hoarder... I LOVE getting rid of stuff - yet, I had/have way too much.  For us, this month is simply an awareness that we have too much while others have too little.  It has also made us more aware of when we use the word "need" versus "want".  This was a difficult month for the girls.  They started off with a lot of complaining... but they finished well.  By the end of the month I didn't even have to ask them to pick out their item to donate - they just did it (with a smile on their face).  I have loved how this month has impacted them the most... and the impact still remains.  They are much more willing to donate stuff... and through the ministry that the Lord has put on our hearts to start (more about that later), they love the impact those items have on others.

Month 3 - Waste
We decided to not make this a "month" but rather start the process of changing the way we live with how we handle "waste" in mind.  Let me give you some examples of what we have changed..

• We have added another vegetable garden in our back yard (now we have 3 boxes).  We have spinach, onions, tomatoes, chard, cucumbers, herbs, yellow peppers, beets, carrots, radishes, and more.  
• We have picked up FREE Starbucks coffee grinds for our soil.
• We purchased a rain bucket to collect rain water to use on our vegetable and flower gardens.
• 90% of the flowers we purchased this Spring for our yard are perennials rather then annuals.
• We planted an apple tree (to represent the seeds we planted into Marina while she was here... allowing us to have the constant reminder to pray for her as well as giving our little ones some closure.) And to bear Fuji apples one day.
• We save our water we use to boil eggs in and water our plants with it - adding to the minerals they need.
• We use cloth napkins and no longer purchase paper ones.
• We don't use paper plates or disposable cups anymore.
• We rarely purchase individually wrapped packages anymore but rather purchase larger containers and divide it into smaller washable/reusable containers.  For example - no more individual apple sauce containers... or cheese slices or bags of shredded cheese  (buy blocks of cheese for a lot less packaging)... buy in bulk to save on packaging waste!
• I use my reusable grocer bags routinely...and even purchased reusable vegetable bags.  Now I don't have 6 plastic bags full of apples, oranges, green beans, etc to throw away when I get home.  
• I am aware of the water flow I am using in the kitchen sink when I am cooking or cleaning.  
• I tried washing my hair every other day in order to save water and shampoo (less use means less packaging in the recycle bin)... but I only made that happen for about 3 weeks.  This mamma likes freshly washed hair!
• We always turn the water off while brushing our teeth rather then letting it run... as well as when we wash our hands.
• We buy local as often as we can.  In fact, we have found a farmers market east of Dallas that we can't wait to go to next Saturday.  And we are looking forward to our family outing picking blueberries and strawberries.  If we can shop locally, that is our first priority - even if it costs a little extra.  
• We also frequently buy organic.  Yes, I know that with a little vinegar and water you can wash off the pesticides that are on the outside of your fruits and vegetables... but how does that help the earth? And a ton of the pesticides don't just hang onto the outside of our food but penetrate in.  Yuck!  When I look at the price tags I find myself struggling with this decision so I am not 100% there yet... but working on it!  :)  It is worth it for our bodies, for our earth, and to support our local markets.  

The list could go on and on.  Just keeping waste in the back of your mind will help you to make so many better decisions that will help both the environment as well as your pocketbook.  

Month 4 - Food

Food... oh sweet yummy food.  Chocolate food...sugary food... cheesy food.  Do you remember our spending month?  We had to give up Domino's, concrete mixers from Culvers, Mexican food from any restaurant.  This month has been an extension of that.  Not only did we have to give up eating this stuff out, this month we couldn't eat it at all!  Let me begin by telling you what we could eat...our "7" items.

1. Fruits
2. Vegetables
3. Chicken
4. Nuts
5. Eggs
6. Whole wheat bread
7. And for emergency situations (i.e. when we didn't consume enough protein that day) - protein powder

We can also have salt, pepper, olive oil, and balsamic vinegar.

You may look at that list and think - piece of cake.  Now look at that list again and think about it in terms of breakfast, lunch, and dinner for 28 straight days.  No yummy dressings, no marinades, no dairy which means no cheese, no sugar other then the natural sugar in fruits.  Does it still look easy?  

Then on top of that, try going out to eat (not going to happen except for Jason's Deli for a salad bar)... or try getting together with your home group for a social or attending a birthday party.  Yes, we had to take our own food wherever we went.  

It has been a challenging month and a wonderful month.  We are excited to see it end (tomorrow is our last day... whoo hoo) but not so that we can go back to the way we ate before - but rather to add some things to our menu.  We ate chicken but not that often.  We have lost the taste for meat... and would like to eat it minimally when we are done with food month.  We love the fact that we haven't eaten anything out of our pantry (where all the processed foods hang out) and would like to keep that up for the most part.  However, we look forward to being able to add brown rice, couscous, or even a marinade made from ketchup or dijon mustard to our menu.  We look forward to having a glass of wine or a cold beer on a hot day.  We look forward to having ice cream with the girls on Tuesday nights for Baskin Robbins Family Night.  It has made us so much more aware of what ingredients go into our foods.  We want to continue eating pico and guacamole but want to figure out how we can deliver it to our mouths in a healthier way.  Next on our project list - making home made whole wheat tortillas and then baking them to a chip.  It is becoming more and more about making what we can so that we actually know what we are eating.  

When we started this month, we were calling it a "food fast."  We have discovered that fast is the wrong word for what we were experiencing.  It has been more of a "food discipline."  A fast draws you in to a closer intimate place with God - with a purpose.  Have we drawn closer to God - absolutely!  Have we had any divine revelations - possibly.  When we first started the month we found ourselves weighing in 2x per day.  Hmmm... that sounds more like a diet then a spiritual journey.  After about 10 days we realized we weren't an inch closer to our Savior through this process.  So, we put the scale away and started spending time with God each evening after we put the girls to bed.  Now it became a much richer experience.  It was during these times that Andy and I realized that this wasn't a "fast."  Instead it was an exercise of discipline.  We did something we felt we were being led to do... something that I never thought I could do in a million years.  And in all honesty, I couldn't... but with the power and grace of the Holy Spirit I could... and did.  We also recognized that we would like to participate in a purposeful fast at some point - when we feel led to do so.  We look forward to what that means for us individually and together - especially now that we understand the discipline that goes into it now.  

How have the girls responded?  They are so on board with this 7 month journey that it tickles me.  They get it... they understand what we are doing and don't complain about it at all.  They are not participating fully this month - they still ate turkey sandwiches for lunch and cereal/oatmeal for breakfast but they ate what we ate for dinner.  Which consisted of a lot of veggies and fruit.  Even if they didn't like it - they ate it.  I am so proud of them... just incredibly proud... my heart is so full!  They tasted our green smoothies - drank our veggie juices - ate our pico stuffed mushrooms and lots of grilled vegetables.  We were able to have wonderful conversations about our bodies and how God wants us to treat them as His temples.  My girls are now constantly asking if something is a "processed food."  Once again - I get all giddy to see how the Lord is working through them during this journey.  

A couple final thoughts - 

• It has been wonderful to see that the months we have already experienced continue to impact us.  Because of spending month in February, we were not "able" to eat at any restaurants... including fast food.  It is now the end of May and I still haven't eaten at a fast food restaurant!!!  And better yet, Milana still hasn't either (other then an ice cream the other night while we were at a church meeting) - and Marbella has only 2x - once with Grammy and once I took her some McDonalds for lunch as a treat (I took my own salad).  It is kind of like someone who quits smoking while she is pregnant... why would you start back smoking after having stopped for 9 months.  If we went without fast food for an entire month, why would we start back.  If we have gone without dairy, sugar, and processed foods for a month, why we would go back to the way we once ate?  
• Andy became the cook in our house during this month.  He deserves credit for his creativity this month and research at finding new recipes and ways for us to continue this journey well beyond May 28th. Thank you honey!!!

Next month - Clothing!  Hmmm - what 7 items of clothing will I be wearing next month???  Will post more on that soon (hopefully :)) as well as more information regarding  the new ministry!  

Love, Karin

We are finished with Month 1

Month 1 is over... we are no longer confined to spending our money in 7 areas.

Now it is time to reflect... what have we walked away with?  Are we using our resources more wisely?  Are we going to change the way we spend money?

Before answering those questions, I would like to share something I learned this month while visiting a very wise friend.  She asked me why we were fasting from "spending"... that it sounded so negative.  She told me that we all sow seeds (our money) in hopes for a fruitful harvest.  We should be focusing more of our attention on what we are sowing into and where we are sowing rather then on what we are "spending" on.  I love looking from this perspective.  When I go to purchase something, I have started to ask myself if this is something I want to "invest" in... what kind of harvest will it reap?  Just think about that for a few minutes.  Where do you spend/invest?  What kind of establishments are you spending/investing in?  With an understanding that the answer to these questions will always reap something (either good or bad), it just might make you stop and think.

I have to share with you a funny story!  I went to Target for the 1st time in a month.  Yes, Target and Wal-Mart were on our approved list but for emergencies only.  Not once did I step foot in either place for the entire month... it was actually great!  :)  However, today I wanted to stop into Target because I needed (um, okay, wanted) a new pair of yoga capris and they have them on sale.  So, Milana and I went this morning on a quest for yoga pants, kleenex, and a small wooden airplane that you put together and fly (you know, like the ones you get at the dollar store).  That was all that was on my list... and that is all I planned on getting.  I go to check out the pants and they turned out to not be what I was looking for but as I am leaving the women's department I see an awesome St. Patrick's Day t-shirt with Minnie Mouse all decked out in green sparkles.  I knew the girls would LOVE it if I wore this so I tried it on and decided to buy it... it was only $12.00 for Pete's sake.  And then I saw white turtle necks (great for Marbella to wear under her uniform in the winter) on sale for only $2.10 each.  I bought two for her to wear next winter.  Milana and I checked out and as we walked to the front doors of the store we had to pass by the customer service desk.  Yep, I felt it - that conviction that I was making unnecessary purchases... wasting resources.  So, I pulled my cart up to the customer service desk and returned the Minnie shirt as well as one of the turtle necks.  Yes, it only came to a $15.00 savings but it is now $15.00 that I can use to buy food for one of the Chin refugee families...or diapers for the 15 year old who made a bad decision and is now about to have twins... or underwear for the homeless... or many other things that could actually help someone.

We got home sans the airplane but only because we couldn't find one.  You know the ones I am talking about - free from Southwest that are wooden and you break the pieces off to put it together - cheap but very entertaining for kids.  And easily broken after about 25 flights into the wall.  Marbella comes home from school and says "Mommy, lets save our resources and just make one out of paper."  Even if that was the only thing that resulted from this month (which we know that is far from reality), it would have been worth it. My little ones are getting it.  They realized today that they went a whole month without a french fry... without a McDonalds hamburger... without eating at any restaurant.  They understand that we are using our resources differently now.  That going out to dinner will be a one time a week treat - not an expectation.  When Marbella asked if we could go see Taylor Swift (what????) if she ever came to town, I told her probably not because the tickets are too expensive.  She responded in agreement that we need to use our resources better... WHAT?  Thank you Lord for allowing my little girls to grow so much in this journey too... what a blessing!

However, Month 2 is Possessions - not hard for me but will prove to be very challenging for sweet Marbella.  When I asked for her to pick one think out today to give away it wasn't a great experience.  She understands why we are using our resources differently but the stuff we already in hand shouldn't be touched in her mind.  This month should prove to be very interesting.

I will post more about what we are doing this month in the next couple days.
Thanks for your encouragement this past month... looking forward to the next one!!!

Spending Month Update

We have gone 18 days without a french fry... or a Jason's Deli salad... or a Culver's Concrete Mixer... or a Domino's pizza... or a new shirt... or a new pair of shoes... or a new anything for that matter!  So, how does that feel?

In one word - FABULOUS!

Have there been times where we have had to plan ahead - without a doubt.  Have there been times over the last 18 days where we would have liked to take the easy route and go out to eat - absolutely.  Would I rather be wearing women's deodorant right now - an emphatic YES.  I can't believe I missed it - I ran out of my deodorant but thought I had an extra in my closet... it was men's!  Yes, I could get away with buying one at the grocery store since Kroger is on the "approved list" but I think that would be cheating a little since I NEVER buy deodorant at the grocery store.  The point is to do without in situations like this... so that is what I am doing.

I love what this month is doing to our family.  We have been "forced" to get more creative and think out of the box..

1. You saw what we did for a "bouquet" for Milana's dance recital.
2. We had already purchased the Daddy/Daughter dance tickets for Valentines but didn't think about how to make dinner special.  Since they couldn't go out, I made a white table cloth candle light dinner for three including china!  They loved it and we have wonderful pictures to commemorate the evening.
3. A sprinkler system pipe broke.  Andy found a couple things in the garage that he had forgotten to take back to Home Depot so with the return, he was able to "purchase" what he needed for the repairs.
4. We got free coffee grounds from Starbucks to add nitrogen to our vegetable garden beds that we are preparing for our Waste month (April).  
5. Milana's Valentine's Day party at school consisted of a Chick Fil A lunch in which every child was asked to contribute $3.50.  As I was about to get the money out, I realize that would break the rules so I had to make her a lunch.  When I told her, she totally understood and didn't make any fuss.  What a trooper!
6. Andy has a gift card to Starbucks and used to go there often to work (he works from home and this can prove challenging in the afternoons when the kids are home.  He feels like using the gift card would be cheating so he hasn't been all month.  He has found other places to work and to my delight he doesn't come home smelling like a strong coffee house.  
7. We as a family love The City Harmonic - an amazing Christian band that we all enjoy.  They will be in Arlington on March 2nd.  We are planning on attending but can't purchase our tickets until March 1st. We hope there will be tickets left since it is a small venue... but if there isn't, then it wasn't in God's will for us to be there.  
8. We are planning on visiting Andy's parents in a couple months using airline miles.  Well, there are $30 worth of taxes we have to pay in order to get the tickets.  They have agreed to pay those charges so that we can come visit... but they are very thankful that spending isn't what we are fasting when we get there!!!  :) Little do they know, just because we won't be fasting "spending" doesn't mean God hasn't changed our hearts on how we spend.  Yikes... and they probably thought we were pretty frugal before... ha!
9. We are eating better foods and saving money at the same time.  We will let you know what we do with the extra cash at the end of the month.  However, spending on others in need is always okay - even during our spending fast - with that in mind we may not have much left over.  It has been a huge blessing for our entire family to be able to help others in need - which has probably changed us the most.  

So, we have learned to be creative - but what have we learned about God?  

We have already decided that once this month is over, we will continue our spending fast in a modified form so that we can continue to have extra funds to help others.  I mean isn't that what Jesus asks us to do anyway?  "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brother, you did it to me." Matt 25:40.  Our blog is Love2540... get it!  :) 

We have learned that if you truly want to feel God's will for your life - feel His blessings - feel Him intimately, go out and help people in need!  Sacrifice something - 1 Starbucks drink per day, 1 restaurant meal per week, whatever it is that you freely spend on each week but could do without - then take that money and help someone who needs it.  If you can't find anyone who needs help, contact me - I have found many people in need while preparing for our Possessions month (March).  Just that act of obedience in and of itself will bless you immeasurably.  No one is asking you to give up spending to the extent that we have this past month... just start with a little sacrifice.  It just might change you... you just might get addicted to helping others... you just might step it up another notch because it feels so good to say YES to God in this area.  Go for it!  What do you have to lose???  :)

Day 2 - Temptation

I promise - you are not going to get a day by day, play by play for the next seven months.  But I do want to share when we feel moved by the Holy Spirit.

Today was a great day - A surprise visit from my amazing cousin, Janna... Milana's precious winter ballet/tap recital... an incredible message at church (Matt has started Nehemiah)... and amazing weather!!!

As we were leaving church, several of our friends decided to go out to dinner.  And as each one asked us if we were going, we had to decline the invitation.  I will admit, I was sad as I kept having to say no.  But as Marbella, Milana, Andy, and I sat down for dinner at our own kitchen table, Andy began to bless our food.  He gave thanks for the opportunity to worship our sweet Savior by being obedient to His call to avoid extra spending this month.  At that moment, everything felt right.  Yes, I missed being able to have an evening of fellowship with my friends, but at that very moment I knew I was exactly where God wanted me to be, doing exactly what He wanted me be doing.  One thing I have been learning over the past few months, there is absolutely no better place to be than in His obedience.  It could be something as easy as saying no to an evening with friends or as challenging as an adoption... when you do something in obedience, you will never regret it.  Don't be afraid to say "YES" to the nudging of the Holy Spirit.

By the way - Milana loved her Minnie Mouse lollipop bouquet!!!  Cost - $0.00 :)

 

Day 1 - Cheating so soon???

Day one was off to a great start...

Andy joined Marbella at her school today for lunch.  What did he do differently this time?  He packed his lunch instead of running through a fast food establishment.  Yay... score 1 for the Green Team!  :)

Then I realized Milana's ballet recital is tomorrow and I need to get creative - yes, flowers are available at Kroger but I really want to avoid unnecessary expenditures - even at the approved places!  So, I made a card as well as a sucker bouquet and attached it to her favorite Minnie Mouse.  I am on a roll...

Minnie Mouse with a lollipop bouquet

At this point I am really excited because I'm not planning on even going to one of the 7 "approved" places.  No money will be spent today... UNTIL...

Andy and I were talking and we heard a lawn care service mowing someone's lawn around us.  Then as I look out the window I realize they are mowing OUR LAWN!  What???  They don't come during the winter months except maybe once every 6 to 8 weeks to help clean up the leaves and get our beds looking good.  Until regular lawn care is needed, we give them freedom to decide when they come and it is usually a nice surprise!  Key word - usually!

I have a look of horror on my face when I see them - as did Andy... for about 30 seconds.  Then this huge smile forms on his face as he sees them take several bags of leaves to their truck - a job he thought he was going to have to do himself over the weekend.

Are you serious?  You could not have come yesterday or even the day before... you had to come today???  The first day of our fast and we have already blown it. Yikes... I sure hope tomorrow ends up with better results!

Month 1 - Spending

I feel like the month leading up to my last day on the job several years ago.  I stock piled Mac make-up because I just knew I would never be able to afford good make up again.  I bought extra hair spray, mousse, shampoo.  I bought the shoes I wanted... the work out clothes I needed.  It was crazy!  This time however, my kids are involved. About 2 weeks ago, we were on our way home from church when Marbella said "can we go out to dinner since we won't get to eat out for the entire month of February!"  Andy and I laughed but could also understand her want to squeeze it all in before we started our February fast.

Thankfully we have avoided most of that same behavior... except when it has come to dining out.  I started to put a menu plan together this week but quickly decided that was a silly idea.  We are taking full advantage of squeezing in our last restaurant prepared meals... Chili's Monday night (kids eat free), Domino's tonight (just because), Cafe Italia (taking advantage of a Groupon that is about to expire) tomorrow night.  Lunch at Jason's Deli today... out somewhere/anywhere for lunch tomorrow.  Yes, it is pathetic but I think it is doing a good job of preparing us for the month... I am actually getting tired of restaurant food!  We have also taken care of a few other items before our spending halt starts on Friday - haircuts, inspections, gardening stuff (in preparation for our month on Waste) as well as a few others. But for the most part we are just going about our days as usual... and are both looking forward to what God will be revealing to us over the next 7 months.

Oh, I guess you might be interested in what 7 establishments will get the Green's money this month!

1. Gas Station - I am not specifying a specific gas station - that would be silly!
2. Kroger
3. Sprouts/Farmers Market - serves the same purpose so I bunched them together.  If I can purchase locally, that is what I would rather do but since we don't have a Farmers Market that is open 7 days a week right down the road, I needed to include Sprouts.
4. On line bill pay - our monthly fixed bills - mortgage, electricity, water, girls school, etc.
5. Exercise - not my favorite way to spend our money but a necessity!
6. Isabelle - our housekeeper.  Yes, this is an expense that I could give up... however, she depends on what we pay her and we care about her - she is part of our family.  We won't give her up - not because we love her services - but because we love her!
7. Wal-Mart - Emergency expenses only!  This is not on here so that we can still shop for wants... that would defeat the purpose.  The ONLY reason this is on here is for unexpected expenses - a birthday party invitation ... we need a gift for the birthday kid. Marbella gets a project assignment at school and we need supplies to do it, etc.  Plus, a few grocery items that are significantly cheaper at Wal-Mart - i.e. the organic soups we like are 1/2 the price of Kroger.  

As you can see, there are NO restaurants... no Home Depot... no Amazon... no Buckle (that is for me!)... no movies, etc.  However, there is one thing that doesn't count - tithing... or any type of additional giving.  The purpose of this process is to draw us closer to God by taking in less... that doesn't mean we can't give more.  And if we think about it, isn't that what Jesus wants us to do.  That is why He is quoted by Paul in Acts 20:35 "...It is more blessed to give than to receive."

One more full day then we are ready to roll!  

Karin

Gearing Up for 7

Oh my goodness... 7 more days before we start!  

Like I said in an earlier post, we are changing things up a bit in how our family moves forward with this process.  For us, we are treating this time as a sort of "fast"... I will go into more detail about fasting and what that means to us in another post.  For now, I would like to share the basic details of the next 7 months. We have prayed over how we would like to proceed as well as discussed it in depth.  Here is what we have come up with...

February - Spending
March - Possessions
April - Waste
May - Food
June - Clothing 
July - Media 
August - Stress

No matter what order we (or you) decide on doing it, I can imagine that each and every month will prove to be challenging, enlightening, and rewarding... and probably in that order.  At the same time, I thought you might want to know why we laid out the months the way we did (with the Lord's approval, of course!)  

We start off in February with spending.  If we can get more disciplined with our spending, then that will allow us more freedom to give (possessions) and really prepare us for the following 6 months.  It sets the stage. The hardest part for me will be not eating out... or picking up that pizza after church on our way home.  Oh Lord! I will share with you the 7 places we can spend our money in another post... and none of those places include Jason's Deli, Domino's Pizza, or even Chick-fil-A for that matter.  I say it again, Oh Lord!

Then we move into March with possessions.  I don't know about you, but we have found that we live in a bubble.  There is need all around us but we can't seem to find it.  As a result of reading 7, I got a little more proactive in my search.  More about that in March!  We wanted to make sure this was toward the beginning of the process too.  It is a month where others will benefit from our discipline... and in all honesty, Jesus calls us to be His hands and feet and serving others in need is doing just that.  This just may end up being my favorite month; however,  I do believe it will prove to be a little more challenging for my 6 year old who wants to keep EVERYTHING!!!

April is about eliminating waste and embracing our 'green' side.  What a perfect time to start planting our gardens.  We already have 2 small garden spots prepared but we just might have to build another... and I have a feeling this year we will be much more methodical in what we plant and where.  And yes, I will tend to it much better.  I have always been a bit green anyway so this month will be challenging in that we will need to step it up a notch.  

May... oh sweet May.  Food... oh glorious food!  We will not be picking 7 foods but rather a combination of 7 foods/categories.  As of right now, our eating for May will consist of Fruits (not just apples, but any fruit), Veggies (not just one veggie, but all veggies are fair game), eggs, chicken, wheat bread (Andy has been practicing making it home made in our bread maker), nuts (mostly raw almonds), and protein drinks/bar (our post exercise supplement!)  Now, God may instruct us to change some of those choices by May but at this point, that is what we are going with.  For those of you who know me well, you know that this month will bring me to my knees in prayer more then even spending.  Besides the fact that I will become more intimate with my Savior during this process, May will bring with it lots of yummy produce... and for that I am thankful!

June will be clothing.  I am actually looking forward to picking out 7 pieces of clothing to wear in June.  Of course, it is easy for me to say that now.  I am grateful that I did not feel led to put clothing in a month that has cool mornings and warm afternoons.  It will simply be hot no matter what time of day it is.  I hope I don't smell too much during this month - I really want to get through this time without explaining myself... to live with 7 pieces of clothing without justifying it to anyone.  Living with less in a true sense... however, if I start to smell then I just might find myself explaining without even realizing my mouth is moving!

July will be media. The kids will be home from school... this will either be a perfect time to cut off from all media or it will be the worst idea ever since that means the kids won't get any tv/movies either.  This has historically been a perfect month to hit the dollar theater just to escape the heat.  Or it is a perfect time for God to work in all of us and really share a quality month together.  I guess we will see in July!  :)  I do have one exception - we will get to listen to Christian music.  When I put on praise music, our home is different - in a way that I believe God is glorified... and that is always okay!  

And we will complete the 7 month fast with Stress in August.  As the summer winds down and preparations for school starting pick up, it will be a perfect month to focus on our amazing Savior.  I have high hopes for this month... again, I will keep you posted!

That gives you the basics.  I am excited about starting... but also enjoying what I would consider freedom.  I am confident that I don't really know what that word means but will get a much better grasp of it through this process.  I know in my head that freedom actually comes from disciplines rooted in God... but soon I will know it in my heart too... and that is exciting!

    

Communicating with Marina - wonderful and heartbreaking

I am so excited and so sad all at the same time!
For the first time since we came home from the Ukraine, we communicated with Marina in real time.  She wasn't able to Skype but she was able to communicate with us back and forth on Facebook.  

For about 2 weeks we didn't hear from her.  We were actually getting a bit worried until Andy realized that she might be at camp.  In order to give the orphanage workers a break (and in hopes of facilitating adoptions), the kids get "hosted" during the Christmas holiday and during the Summer (like we hosted Marina.)  The kids that don't get hosted go to a camp... which sounds like fun in the summer but not much fun in the winter primarily because they don't have hot or even warm water. 

I received a message from Marina on December 29th letting me know the snow was melting at the orphanage... just a quick note to let me know she was thinking about us.  I then sent her message... and then another... and then another... with no response.  I finally got a message on Friday with her letting me know that she had been at camp and that it was "bad."  

We can tell that she doesn't get to use her English there.  It is getting more and more difficult for us to decipher what she is saying when she sends us messages.  
The first message she sent today said...
"hi mummy i love u 2.in camp i was bad.and i miss u 2".
   
Well, as you can imagine, I was worried about what happened at camp.  So, I asked her and let her know that we so wish she were here with us.  
And this was the response I got...
"the camp was enside the forest and we have water cold brrrrrr.and i think once i saw you again."

I was so relieved that nothing bad happened at camp but rather she just didn't like it because she had cold water.  And now I have to try to figure out what she means when she thinks she saw me once again.  Does that mean she saw someone that looked like me?  Does that mean she wants to see me again?  Does that mean she had a dream or vision about me?  Ugh... I wish I could speak her language.  I wish I could communicate with her as well as we were when she was here.  Does she wish she were here?  Is she doubting her decision now?  Does she realize she could have been sleeping in a warm bed every night with hot showers and warm clothes?  Or is all of that wishful thinking on my part?  

I am at the point where I ache for her.  I want her to make different decisions.  I want her past to be different so that she can make different decisions.  I want her to feel loved and accepted even in a way that was too difficult for me to make her feel.  I want her to feel love in a way that only Christ can really live up to.  I want so much more for my sweet Marina.  It is almost as if it is getting harder and harder to accept her decision instead of easier and easier.  Is that because I am feeling less angry at her for making the decision to begin with... is it because more time has passed since I had to face the daily challenges of loving a very hurt and angry child... is it because I feel like I can hear it in her "voice" that she is beginning to miss us.  After all, she is now initiating communication with both Andy and I and calls us Mummy and Daddy (not mom and dad which are much more generic) and tells me she loves me (and the girls) on most of her communications?  I don't know... I just don't know.  

What I do know is that the Lord is in control.  He has this.  He has her.  He sent us to her for many reasons - one of which is so that we will pray for her daily, if not more.  He is taking care of her in the way He knows  is best for her.  I also know He wants me to continue to ache for her... so that I will always drop to my knees on her behalf.  It is also a constant reminder that I need Him... always and in everything.  

Please continue to pray for Marina!  I honestly believe that our sweet Savior will bring light into her darkness at some point.  We cherish your prayers for her... thank you so much!

Friendships

I feel so blessed... beyond blessed!
I have a wonderful husband - 2 healthy little girls - a warm bed - a full belly - heat - lotion - chap stick and so very much more... things we take for granted.

As I am reading Jen Hatmakers book, 7, I am feeling many things!  Blessed... inspired... thankful... content... along with a deep desire to help others feel the same way.  Others who don't have what we have - who won't sleep in a warm bed tonight - who won't go to bed with a belly full - who don't know the gospel.  It is a hodge podge of feelings that I don't know what to do with... but God does.

Do you ever wonder why God gave you the friendships you have?  As I am becoming more aware of the needs of people, I am becoming more aware of how incredible the people are that God has put in my life.  I am getting a better understanding of why it takes a village to raise a family... or why we need to be in a community of believers.  There is not one person out there who is everything so God puts many people in our lives who look like Jesus and who can inspire us to become more like them.  Does that make sense?

For example, I have a friend who makes me dig deep into myself when we get together.  She challenges me to think more radically in terms of missions and prayer.  I find myself striving to be more mission minded and a prayer warrior like she is.  She teaches me much and inspires me much.  I adore that about her.  I have another friend who is generous to a fault (if there is such a thing!)  She models to me how I should act in terms of how I give my stuff, my resources, my money.  I adore that about her.  I have another friend who amazes me with her love for orphans.  She has her biological kids, she has her adopted kids, she has foster kids and she is amazing.  She has inspired me through our own journey and continues to do so.  And I adore that about her.  I have another friend who encourages me.  When I am confused, unclear, off track - she always redirects me to the Bible and my faith in my Savior.  She is just starting to dig deeper in her faith yet she seems to always encourage me in mine.  I adore that about her.  I have another friend who is the hospitality queen.  She is always willing to host and the more the merrier.  Mess up my house - no problem.  Eat my food - no problem.  Create chaos - no problem.  I adore that about her.  I could go on and on... but I think you get the point.

I challenge you - take an inventory of your friendships and become aware of their diverse gifts... and adore them for the way God put them in your life to encourage you in the ways they were gifted!  And as you become more aware of the needs of people around us, you will know who to ask for help to meet those needs.  Isn't that what it is all about - being the hands and feet of Jesus as a community while sharing the Good News???

I am so eager to get started on this new journey... it is making me giddy!  So glad I have friends gifted in giddy too!  :)

We found a lost dog

There is comedy in the fact that we have found this lost dog.

First - we have 2 children, both of which are afraid of animals.  Marbella extremely fearful - Milana mildly fearful.  Of all the people in the area, Andy and Milana are the ones to pick up this dog.  A family said they tried running after it to "save" it from the busy street it was hanging out on but the dog didn't want them.  Andy and Milana basically open their car door and he hops right in.  Are you serious?

Second - the dog is dressed in a coat with skulls all over it.  Skulls... really?  It takes me back to the first time Marina walked into our house in June.  Little did we know - she had/has a fear of crosses.  Take one step into my house and you are going to see a cross somewhere.  Our faith is important to us and we, like most people, surround ourselves with what is important to us.  I can just imagine what Marina thought - of all the people in America, I get stuck with the Christian family!  My sweet Marina didn't realize at the time that the reason we American's wanted to adopt her is because we were following God's call.  Our prayer is that one day she will understand God's call for her life!

Back to the dog - so, I get a chuckle when Andy walks into our house not only with a dog, but a dog dressed in skulls.  Thankfully, this dog is probably just grateful that he has a bed to sleep in and some food in his bowl.  He won't judge us based on our beliefs!   Perhaps we all can learn a lesson from our temporary guest (or Regal as Milana has already named him).

What is this Book You are Talking About?

I want to tell you that I am laughing as I write this. I didn't expect so many different responses to what Andy and I feel led to do... participate in a modified version of a little book called 7. Let me say that again - MODIFIED! :) One of my dear friends bought me the book many, many months ago - I either just found time to start reading it or in my subconsciousness I knew it would call me to a change :)) Upon hearing of our 7 journey she sent me this text - "I would be honored to be on your council if it entails keeping your butt in line, but I am not going to do any of that crazy stuff right now." In fact, ever since I wrote in the blog that we were planning to participate in this "social/spiritual experiment", some of my closest friends are reacting the same way I would have reacted if they had brought this idea up to me - either avoiding me all together or letting me know up front that they have bought the book but will not be doing it with me - love you and your precious honesty girls! :)). I have had to share with them that Jen's friends participated in their own way too - if at all. Some had their own modifications and some didn't participate in certain months at all but were there for Jen to encourage her and give her moral support... and that works wonders too! 

So, a little more about the actual book... 7 - an experimental mutiny against excess, by Jen Hatmaker! I promise you - it is not scary... it will not make you feel crazy guilty... it will not ask too much of you! 7 is a fantastic book that is informative... thought provoking... challenging...funny. It provides you with practical ways to be more like Christ... be His hands and feet. 

In Matthew 25:42-45, Jesus says 'For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison, and did visit me. Then they will also answer, saying 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?' Then he will answer them, saying 'Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.' 

The book not only makes you more aware of how you are spending your time, your money, your resources but offers ideas based on Jen's own experiences regarding how to serve Him by serving others; how to serve God's creation and so very much more. 

Amazon provides this description of the book.. 

 "American life can be excessive, to say the least. That’s what Jen Hatmaker had to admit after taking in hurricane victims who commented on the extravagance of her family’s upper middle class home. She once considered herself unmotivated by the lure of prosperity, but upon being called “rich” by an undeniably poor child, evidence to the contrary mounted, and a social experiment turned spiritual was born. 

7 is the true story of how Jen (along with her husband and her children to varying degrees) took seven months, identified seven areas of excess, and made seven simple choices to fight back against the modern-day diseases of greed, materialism, and overindulgence.

Food. Clothes. Spending. Media. Possessions. Waste. Stress. They would spend thirty days on each topic, boiling it down to the number seven. Only eat seven foods, wear seven articles of clothing, and spend money in seven places. Eliminate use of seven media types, give away seven things each day for one month, adopt seven green habits, and observe “seven sacred pauses.” So, what’s the payoff from living a deeply reduced life? It’s the discovery of a greatly increased God—a call toward Christ-like simplicity and generosity that transcends social experiment to become a radically better existence." 

I don't know about you, but the sound of "living a radically better existence" sounds very appealing. 

One thing I will say is that you will not get the full benefits of what Jen shares in her book just by following this blog. My intent is not to summarize the book (so if you don't read it yourself you will miss so many facts and amazing stories that actually puts a face with her experiences) but rather to simply share our experience "fasting" and how God speaks to us through that experience. Believe me when I tell you it is NOT to impress you like the Pharisees (fasting only to impress others) but rather to grow closer to my Savior - I am actually expecting to fall on my face in humility and will know that any success I have in this "experiment" will be because of Him. Bottom line, why am I sharing this experience with you? In all honesty - because He has told me that as much as I currently don't love to write, I am supposed to do it. Through our adoption experience, I learned many things but one that really sticks is this - when He asks you do to something and you continue to spend daily quiet time with Him, He won't let up. I wonder if that is one of the reasons we don't stop and spend time with Him daily - we don't want to hear what He is asking us to do. I am sure that is often the case when I find myself putting Him aside. He also knows that I am not afraid to share my struggles and be transparent about my short comings - and maybe that is why He is asking me to share this experience. Like the days following when I have to give up chocolate... believe me when I tell you that giving up sweets will draw me to my knees asking for strength faster than anything else. If I am victorious during the food month and truly abstain from chocolate, it will be by the grace of God. No joke... those of you who know me well, know that chocolate is a food group for me! :) 

So, there is your synopsis of 7 - an experimental mutiny against excess. We are still reading... still praying... still wondering what we have committed to... still excited about how the "fasting" will draw us closer to our Creator. I mean, that is really the bottom line. 

As stated in the NKJV Life Application study notes in Mark 2:18 "Fasting is both an outward sign of humility and regret for sin, and an inner discipline that clears the mind and keeps the spirit alert. Fasting empties the body of food (or whatever); repentance empties the life of sin." 

I am not going to lie to you - I am so excited about some of the upcoming months (clothes, possessions, waste) and am totally dreading others (food, food, food, spending, and food!) But God has an amazing sense of humor - If I know Him well, He will bring me to my knees on the stuff I think I will do well with (hello pride) and bless me for being humble on the months I think I will struggle. Time will tell!!!

I do hope you will participate in your own way... allowing God to show you that with Him in your corner, you are much stronger than you think. During our adoption process, we heard over and over how "strong we were by being obedient." But I can tell you right now - Andy and I were not strong. We were very weak on our own. God was strong through the process - all we did was allow Him to lead... that was it. He did everything else! Maybe that is what I am so excited about this experiment - that it will provide a way for me to be totally dependent on Him again - in ways that will transcend way beyond the 7 months. We have no problem riding this roller coaster by ourselves (with God not only in control of the coaster but also sitting in the front seat with us) but it sure will be a whole lot more fun doing it with you! 

Gotta run - I have a few more chapters to read! 

Karin 

P.S. I have a prayer request - that if God really wants me to keep writing, that He will make the process much faster!!! :) Andy has walked into this room twice asking me if I was on the same blog post or if I had already drafted a few others... not funny Andrew!

Have you heard from Marina?

That is the question we most often get... and why wouldn't we?  We have shared every step of this journey with you and then we just leave you hanging!  That was not our intent!  We got home, my in laws stayed with us for a couple weeks, we huddled around our little ones making sure they were okay, Halloween came and went, and then we had some time to reflect and just be, for a minute.  Then life got overly busy with Thanksgiving, family, Christmas, family...

As we look back, we were shocked that we could come home from such a spiritual high and be so easily distracted again.  No, it wasn't the outcome we expected, but we were able to walk so incredibly closely with our Savior that we never wanted that part to dwindle - to fade - to become less important.  Yet... it did.  We since learned through our Bible Study Fellowship classes that hard temptation follows spiritual highs.  Like Noah - he comes off the ark after being so incredibly obedient.  He walked intimately with God - followed His counsel to the T, worshiped Him well - yet, not longer after he leaves the ark does he get drunk and lay naked.  Now, I am thankful to say, we didn't respond quite the same way.  :) However, we did fall - we allowed the events of our daily life to come between us and God - He is the only one that is worthy of our time yet we gave it to everyone BUT Him. Thankfully, we have found our way back to daily time with Him!  During that time He has been speaking loud and clear.  He keeps telling me to get on the computer and continue to blog.  Of course, I agreed with Him that it was overdue for me to update the blog but other then that, I am done.  Nope - He is telling me He wants me to keep writing.  What?  I don't like to write.  It is NOT my comfort zone.  It takes time... too much time. It isn't my strength..  And then He so sweetly (hear the sarcasm?) whispered in my ear "where in the world did you get the idea that I was in the business of using people while in their "comfort zone?"  Hmmm... good point.  But really?  Okay - we will start with updating the blog... :)!  He is also sharing with Andy and I that He is about to rock our world once again.

But - before going there, I thought I should answer the question on so many minds... Have we heard from Marina yet?
Yes - we have been in communication with our Marina.  After we got back, we didn't really know what to do... do we write to her?  Do we wait for her to reach out to us?  What is protocol in this situation?  We certainly haven't experienced anything like this before and in all honesty, we don't know anyone who has, so we just waited.  Then I started getting word (it is crazy how small this world we live in is) that Marina was acting angry - dark - without hope.  So, on November 4th, I sent her a long message on Facebook letting her know that we love her - that her decision hasn't made us angry and that she shouldn't be angry at anyone for telling her that they don't agree with her decision.  I shared with her that I was sad, but not mad.  I shared with her how special she is, not only in our eyes, but also in God's eyes.  I shared with her that she is loved and wanted.  A couple days later I got a response - she thanked me and told me that she loved us too.  Initially, I was the one always sending messages to her first and then she would respond.  Now, she is initiating contact.  It always makes my heart beat a little faster when I see a notification that she has sent me a message.  I let her know on December 3rd that we are getting a box together for her... she responds with "thank you mummy i love you".  She certainly knows how to push my buttons and make the tears flow. But I also know that she is fine with her decision and wants to be right where she is.  I am not 100% certain of her motives when she sends me tender messages - does she want something or does she really feel that way.  It doesn't really matter - God has said that while she has computer access and can communicate with me, I am to continue to communicate our love for her and more importantly His love for her.  I can do that.  Since we have been home from Ukraine, I picked up a book by Francine Rivers - Redeeming Love - OH MY!  What a beautiful tangible portrait of how to love like Jesus loves.  Why didn't I read this while she was here over the summer?  Why did God have me read it after I got home?  The answers to these questions won't come (at least not on this side of heaven) but that is okay.  I hear His message for me now... to learn to love her more like Jesus... learn to love everyone more like Jesus.  Is He preparing me for what is next?

To answer the question on many minds - Is she going to change her mind and come to America to become our daughter legally?  We believe the answer is "no"... but that doesn't mean our family doesn't feel like she is part of it.  We pray for her daily - sometimes several times a day... for her salvation... for her protection... to feel God's arms around her making her feel loved and accepted... and much more!  The girls still include Marina in their self made family portraits.  We still hear the girls say out of nowhere that they miss her.  She is still very much loved and prayed for... and will always be.  To us, she will always be Marina Grace Green.

That is the end of this update... and I promise that I will continue to provide updates regarding sweet Marina as they arise.  But it also looks like I am going to be writing a little more frequently on the blog... sharing with you what God is doing in our lives... how He is speaking directly to us... the next big assignment He has for the Green's... stuff like that.  I should warn you now... Andy and I are reading Jen Hatmaker's book, 7, and feel like we are being led to participate in a modified version of it.  I know what you are thinking... what is Karin up to now.  Yep - He is leading us down another path to help us draw closer to Him.  What Andy and I are wondering is what in the world is He preparing for us.  He is about to shake things up again... show us how far away we really are from what He is asking for us as Christians to be. And more... is He asking us to adopt again?  I don't know yet - but we know He is preparing us for something.  We are both scared and excited as to what that looks like yet.  But as Jen Hatmaker put in her  book (she quoted from a friend of hers) - "Obedience isn't a lack of fear.  It is just doing it scared."  Amen sister!  There is something powerful in being scared in obedience... it creates a dependence on God that we just don't routinely experience.

As stated above, I will continue to write... I would love for you to join me for the roller coaster ride that our Savior has us riding on.  (For the record, I do not like roller coasters... at all!  And I don't always like the ones God puts me on either - but one thing I know for sure - the safest place to be is in His will, even if that means riding the biggest one at the park!)  One of the first things on the list will be our modified version of 7.  If you have read the book and wanted to try it out but haven't because you didn't have an accountability partner, join us.  If you haven't read it but have the heart/desire to be more like Jesus, buy the book and join the fun (I use that term loosely!) We are still in the process of reading it ourselves and will bathe it in prayer to see how God wants us to lay it out.  Yes, I have already heard Him say that we would be doing a modified version... at least I think that was Him talking!  :)
More to come...
Love,
Karin   

Coming Home

The trip home was very bittersweet...on one hand we were excited about sleeping in our own bed with soft sheets and fluffy pillows.  We were looking forward to brushing our teeth using tap water rather then bottled water. We were excited about all of the luxuries we take advantage of every day... but mostly, we were excited to see our little princesses. 

On the other hand - we couldn't believe we were coming home without Marina...without even being able to spend any time in the Ukraine with who we considered to be our oldest daughter (we saw her for a total of 45 minutes during the Orphanage visit.)  Pregnancy was difficult for me when I carried both Marbella and Milana because I had to give myself shots in the stomach every day for the entire 9 months.  And like many other women, my 1st trimester was horrible.  But as difficult as my pregnancies were, it was worth every second.  When we came home from the hospital we had a bundle of joy with us... a gift from God.  We liken this trip to a pregnancy - we knew it was going to be hard to be away from our girls and the comforts of our home for so long... but so worth it when we got to bring Marina home.  We dreamed about the moment we would all be at the airport to welcome Marina home as Marina Grace Green.  But it didn't happen... we didn't get the baby at the end of the road.  And will most likely not completely understand why this side of Heaven.

Coming home also meant sharing the disappointing news with the little ones... and praying that they didn't feel any rejection... that the evil one couldn't even throw a seed of rejection at them.  We arrived home Sunday afternoon while Grammy, Grandpa, and the girls were scheduled to arrive Monday morning.  We decided not to tell the girls over the phone but rather pick them up from the airport and tell them in person.  We believed this was the best way to protect them from feeling rejected.  So, we were waiting for them as they walked out to baggage claim.  They were not excited to see us but rather in shock... and interestingly enough they automatically knew that something must be wrong.  It is amazing how logical and intuitive little ones can be.  In fact, Marbella didn't see us at first, and then when she did she smiled, stopped and asked us what we were doing there and where was Marina.  We took the girls in our arms and walked to some empty seats to let them know that Marina had to make a very difficult decision - one that was so hard for her to make because she loved them (the girls) so much.  That she decided to stay in her country where she knew the language, the culture, and her friends.  We talked about how we have discussed in life to "choose our steps wisely" and this may or may not have been a wise step for Marina but it was her step to take.  That we would pray for our sweet Marina every day and ask God to protect her.  The tears came immediately.  Marbella said she was so sad - I told her I too was sad.  Then she said she was so mad - I told her that I too was mad.  We continued to talk things over and then moved on to talk about their trip to Disney World.  Marbella has brought up Marina and her decision several times since coming home, so we need to continue to pray for peace and understanding that is free from rejection. 

We have since learned that Marina can change her mind... she has until May to do that.  With that being said, we have decided to put the money we have left over that we raised into a specific account and let it sit there until May.  As we have asked God to give us direction for that money, we keep hearing Him say wait so that is what we will do.  If Marina doesn't change her mind, we will ask God where that money should go - possibly to another family who is raising money for their adoption... perhaps it should go to a transitional home in the Ukraine for the lucky ones who have one in their region that helps teach them skills on how to live on their own (skills they did not learn in the orphanage)... perhaps it will go to starting one in Marina's region.  We will listen to what God says and will follow that - and will definitely keep you posted.

Andy and I have started making a list of all the ways we have seen God's hand in what has happened over the past couple weeks.  Our next post will be to share that with you.  We have also gotten a bunch of emails where others have been inspired by what has been happening in our lives.  We would love to hear how God has spoken to you too.  We won't share it with everyone but would like to record it in our journal. 

Thank you all for your continued prayers!
Love you all more than you know!
Karin and Andy

Day 6.1 - What Happened?

I (Karin) am typing this blog post but Andy and I are sitting here at the airport in Kiev putting our thoughts and perspectives down on this post together. 
As we started our journey yesterday there were so many instances where we commented "this will make a good blog post"... from God being in the smallest details to having to use the potty in a hole in the ground.  However, neither of us imagined that we would have to put those things on hold in order to write this post.  

As we posted last night on Facebook, Marina has made the hard and life changing decision to NOT be adopted.  Now that you know the bottom line, we would like to share the story.  In the story, please recognize the many prayer needs along the way... for specific people as well as future events.  We also share these details in hopes that you will have a full understanding of what took place - and so that we don't have to recount and relive the details over and over when we get home.  I am sure that you all can understand that.

Thursday evening (usa time) we spoke with Marbella.  She asked if we had seen Marina yet and when we told her no, she asked if we could Skype with her as soon as we do because she is excited to see her.  It warmed our hearts once again that our little ones have welcomed Marina into their hearts without expecting anything in return.  As can be expected (and had been the situation all week) we didn't sleep very well. Too excited about the big day that was about to happen.  We packed up, got ready, and met our driver at 4:00 AM to start the 6 hour car ride.  The roads in Ukraine are terrible - It feels like you are driving down a dirt road yet they were paved - coupled by the fact that we were driving 160 km/hr (100 MPH).  As we got further and further out of Kiev the reality of the poverty and the huge separation between classes became real.  We learned that there are actually 2 classes of people - rich and poor - there is no middle class. And that became very obvious.

At 8:30 AM we arrived in Kirovohrad to pick up Nina, our local facilitator.  What an absolute gem!!!  We continued our drive to Oleksandriya (passing Pantaivka - Marina's orphanage - and feeling more and more excited that we were so close) to pick up an official from the CPS that would observe and certify Marina's declaration of wanting to be adopted.  That took some time as he was busy and he had absolutely no desire to make this happen.  However, Nina was persistent and he had no hope when God runs the show.  So, the 5 of us packed into the car and drove to the orphanage arriving at 1:00 PM. 

On our way, Nina described this orphanage as one of the worst around.  She also described the people of Ukraine being very sad.  That the harder they work, nothing changes.  As we walked into the orphanage we felt the weight of her comments.  We passed 3 little girls probably close to Marbella's age and felt an overwhelming weight of the hopelessness that awaits them.  At that moment, we could have taken all of them home with us but that of course was unrealistic.  We made it to the Orphanage Director's office and waited for them to get Marina out of class.  We were so anxious... so excited... and didn't really know what to do with ourselves.  Nobody in that small room other then Nina and us spoke English.  After a couple minutes Marina walked into the door.

She smiled at us... almost in disbelief that we were actually there.  To back up for just a moment - we messaged with her on Wednesday via Contact (Russian FB - yes, Andy set up a profile for himself on Russian Facebook so that he could communicate with her, his daughter).  Andy told her that we were in Kiev and that we had our appointment with the SDA and would be going to her Orphanage very soon.  She responded with "ok.  I am so happy now".  Yes, this was 2 days earlier - which makes this all so difficult to understand!!!  So, she walks in and Andy and I get up and go to her to hug her.  We could tell she was still in shock.  At the same time, emotions flooded us.  It was so wonderful to see her... to be with her...to touch her.  Any hesitations - questions - doubts - were gone.  As those of who are a daily part of our lives know, the summer with Marina had some amazingly wonderful moments and some incredibly challenging moments.  But all along the way God continued to make it crystal clear over and over again in His Word that we were to continue this journey, welcome Marina into our home, and help her to see Him and feel His healing.  And once again at that very moment, we knew we were exactly where He wanted us, doing exactly what He called us to do.  However, what we didn't know what how the next 30 minutes would unfold.  After we all hugged each other - one big family hug like we used to do right before bed while Andy prayed over us - I cupped her face in my hands and said "Marina, you are so beautiful... you are so bella."  She smiled shyly as we have seen her do so many times. 

The Director asked us all to sit down - Marina was next to Andy on one side of the table and Nina and I were on the other side of the small table.  She said something to Nina and Nina told us that Marina was in shock that we were actually there.  Immediately Andy pulled out his phone and played her a video message that we recorded the day we left Miami (Marina's actual birthday) - it was a video of Marbella, Milana, and her 2 cousins that she hasn't met yet, Drew and Evan, all singing her Happy Birthday.  As she watched the video her eyes welled up in tears and then she pushed the phone away... and started to turn away from Andy - body language we saw many times over the summer when she started to shut down.  We knew immediately that something was wrong.  Nina started talking to her in Ukraine and Marina kept saying "no".  By Nina's tone and the look on her face we knew exactly what was going on.  Nina told us that Marina was having doubts about being adopted.  She said that Marina was comfortable where she was with her friends, she called it her "comfort-zone." Nina continued to tell Marina that this is her last chance for adoption - her last chance for a life - her last chance to have the love of a family.  Marina said that she has her teachers there who care for her.  Nina told her that she graduates from the Orphanage in May and that her teachers will no longer have anything to do with her.  Marina said she has her friends and that she is comfortable...that she doesn't want the rules in a family or have to attend a Christian school.  The CPS official and the Orphanage Director both tried to explain to her what waits for her if she says no.  They are not legally allowed to push or persuade a child to say yes but rather they were laying out the dismal life should could expect if she said no to this adoption.  We sat in the room for about 30 minutes observing this dialog.

At one point I reached across the table and grabbed her hand and squeezed it 3x. She learned over the summer that this is how we (our family) communicate "I love you" to each other without speaking any words.  As I did that I asked her if she remembered what that meant - she smiled, said yes, and then took her hand back and continued to fidget with her fingernails - another thing we saw her do when she was uncomfortable.  The Director asked her to make her own decision and not let her friends decide for her.  She was being influenced by her friends in the Orphanage.  Nina then told Marina that she speaks English and she needs to be the one to tell us... but she just couldn't say it.  They needed her to take responsibility for this decision so that it was on record.  There is power in the spoken word. When she was with us this summer, we asked her if she wanted to be adopted by us.  She would nod and I would ask her to say it... say you want to be our daughter... say you want to be a part of our family... feel those words and what they mean - take ownership.  And she did... but those words couldn't come out this time. 

We know this decision was hard for her - we could see it through the tears when she watched the video with Milana and Marbella - but she couldn't do it.  She couldn't let her friends down - she couldn't see beyond the difficulties of having rules and learning how to love and be loved.  She could only see the here and now.  She could only see the path she wanted to go down, today. A path that doesn't consider her future but stays constant with the friends she has right now. What she doesn't understand is that path doesn't exist. 

Our heart began to ache - not for simply our loss or even for having to tell the girls, but for what the decision would mean for her life.  I then asked her if she was having a hard time saying the words to us because she wasn't sure or was it because she didn't want to hurt our feelings?  In our minds we were thinking that we could spend the weekend together and then she could make her decision. Based on how hard it was for her to say it to us, she knew that if she spent time with us then she might change her mind.  That wasn't an option for her. 

Nina was getting very upset with her being so short minded and not looking at the future that she asked if we could adopt her instead.  This was an attempt to lighten the mood but I honestly believe if she had been younger and we could legally adopt her that she would have come home with us.  See, Nina lives in the real life and understands how hard it is to not be a part of the rich class.  Couple that with being 16, an orphan with no money, the outcome is very sad. Marina then asked if she would still be able to Skype with us - we haven't Skyped since she left due to no access so I am not sure where she thinks the access will come from - but we responded with "of course honey, we will always be here for you - we love you and we want you."  She looked away and Nina told her once again that she had to tell us.  So, she did... and we were in total shock.  We all got up from the table - once again we had a group hug and we told her that we would pray for her every day and always love her.  And then we walked out... stunned... numb... in shock... confused... while recognizing that God is here with us and knew that things were going to go this way. 

Nina, Andy and I walked out of the Orphanage and sat on a bench while waiting for the CPS official to complete the paperwork regarding Marina's desire to not be adopted.  We got back into the car, drove to Oleksandriya to drop off the gentleman and sit down at a cafe.  We hadn't eaten in many many hours by this time and needed something in our bellies so we wouldn't pass out.  We ate and we talked - stunned by the turn of events.  We kept replaying in our head the last hour and couldn't believe what we were hearing.  Before we left for the Ukraine, Marina asked us to bring one of the teddy bears my mom had gotten her while she was here, along with some face cleaner... and we also bought her a watch for her birthday.  So, we decided to see if anything changed in the last 30 minutes.  We went back to the Orphanage but there was no sign of Marina so Nina left what we brought for her with the Director with a promise that Marina would get the items. 

We keep wondering - does she regret the decision - what if we come back, will she see that she needs to come with us?  No, not yet anyway.  So, we had to make the long drive back - dropping off sweet Nina who was in as much shock as we were.  We hugged Nina - a true gem - full of compassion, empathy, and a heart for her work.  Nina's life is hard... yet she in the power of prayer and works hard to help save children in her region.  She will be blessed for her work.  It was the longest drive of our lives.  It was unexpected and full of confusion.  We plugged in our headphones and listened to praise/worship music (thank you Lauren Chandler and Michael Bleaker) for peace from our Savior.  We thanked our sweet Father for putting us where we were knowing that He will one day reveal to us the purpose of all this.  We finally got home at 10:00 PM - after a very scary drive back because of our drivers driving - and after he got stopped by the police right in front of our apartment with us in the car and then asking us for money to pay the officer off.  At this point, we were done - we just wanted to get into our apartment.  Andy and I found a place to eat at midnight - a time for us to sit across the table from one another and reflect.  What just happened?  Did Marina really just make that decision?  Why did God take us through this journey to come home without her?  Why did we have to travel the 6000 miles?  What is Marina thinking?  Doesn't Marina understand?  What could we have done differently over the summer?  What could we have done differently in the meeting?  Even though we have so many unanswered questions, we know that our sweet Savior is in this... we know that He is in total control... we know that we are in complete submission to His will... we know that we have come to an intimate place with Him and we never want to go back to what we used to be. 

We met with our chief facilitator - Kosta - this morning before we flew out of Kiev (we are now on our flight to London with an overnight stay there and then back to Dallas Sunday early evening - before the girls even get home from Florida).  He was so disappointed - for us - but truly for Marina.  He told us that when this has happened in the past and the child gets out in the real world that they always come back to him on their knees begging for the adoption.  He can do nothing for them at that point. It is heart breaking.  One thing that we can be sure of - for the first time in 10 years Marina got to experience what it felt like to be wanted by a family.  She wasn't the one who was watching someone else get adopted - she actually got to feel what is was like to be wanted.  Even though she made a choice that we may ever understand - she got to feel wanted.

Once again - we share all of these details with you for several reasons.  One, so that we don't have to relive it over and over to everyone individually when we get home (and again, I am sure you can understand why) but even more importantly for the prayers that are so needed right now for so many people over there.  First and foremost - Marina.  That God has a plan for her.  That she will NOT become a statistic but rather the exception to the rule.  That her heart will soften for Him and that she will see Him in her dreams.  That she is protected.  That she finds healing from all her wounds in Him.  And so much more for her.  Pray for Nina - for her faith to grow -for her life to have fulfillment - for her to find happiness in a very unhappy place - for her to feel like her hard work means something.  Pray for Kosta - his work in helping children find forever homes - for his wife who is experiencing some medical issues.  For the government officials - for their hearts to know and love Jesus - for them to make the adoption process easier - for them to see how their processes are affecting their people.  For the country of Ukraine- on so many levels!  And these are just a few... just pray pray pray... but don't forget to quiet yourself and enter in the presence of God before you do.  We have learned many many many things over the past several months and specifically in the past week - and one of the biggies is that when we enter into His presence before we pray that amazing miraculous things happen. 

We love you all so much and thank you for taking this journey with us.  It isn't over yet... we are all on assignment by Him until we meet Him face to face.  Our only purpose for being alive is to glorify Him - obey Him - worship Him - it is a journey that doesn't have an end...

Love love love you all -
Karin and Andy

Romans 8:28-29
English Standard Version (ESV)
28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Day 4.2 Eve of Long Day

Well folks, it is nearly 10pm here and Karin and I are off to bed.  We are waking up at 330am to catch our ride to Oleksandriia.  Please pray specifically for safe travels and an efficient process with the local CPS officials.  We will be spending the remainder of our journey in that region of Ukraine.  We won't have the luxury of the in room wifi as we've had so don't be disheartened by less frequent posts to the blog or Facebook as we get situated in our new 'home'.

As I sleep tonight I'll go to bed with the comfort of my protector, Christ Jesus

Andy

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice Always, Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus.

Day 4.1 God is AMAZING

First I (Karin) will update you on what is going on with the adoption then I will update you on what is going on with us... spiritually and what our everyday living has become!

The adoption -
PRAISE the LORD!!!  Our paperwork was redone and resubmitted late last night and in the SDA "inbox" when they arrived to work this morning. The next hurdle was for them to actually slip it in with yesterday's paperwork to be completed today with a 4:00 pm pick up.  After much prayer and total submission to God, it was done and we just got "home" from picking up the completed documents.  What does this mean?  We are right on track... we will leave at 4:30 tomorrow morning (which is when I usually get to sleep) to drive the 4.5 hour trip to pick up our local facilitator in Kirovograd and then on to our new "home" in Oleksandriia.  We will then have an appointment with CPS at 9:00 tomorrow morning then head to the orphanage to officially meet Marina and start the 3 day bonding period.  The government doesn't recognize the time she spent with us over the summer so this is just another formality that has to take place.  The reason why getting this done so quickly so that we can meet her tomorrow is so important is because the weekend will be included in those mandatory 3 days. Next week we will be able to make the official notorized declaration that we want to adopt Marina.  After that - for us, it is all behind the scenes paperwork and waiting.  The local CPS compiles and completes many papers ultimately ending with the signature of a high ranking highly unavailable official.  That needs to happen before the SDA can process the rest of the paperwork prior to obtaining a court date.  We need prayers that all of these steps can be done efficiently and that this hard to reach guy signs off on our paperwork quickly.  He will be even more difficult to track down with the upcoming elections - but he isn't too difficult for God to find!!!  So, tomorrow is a very big day for us... we ask for your prayers for a safe travel and that we will be able to  accomplish the items we need to accomplish before the start of the weekend. 

What is happening spiritually with us - specifically me since Andy will probably share more  about his journey with the Lord
Oh my!  What am I learning about our sweet Savior?  So very much... which is so precious to me! 
1.  He is SOOO big...
2.  He is in ALL of the details... not just the big ones but even the smallest.  And this I am eternally grateful for!   Not only has he provided our little ones with an amazing distraction, he is making signatures happen and paperwork completed when it would not have without Him leading.
3.  He wants our hearts... He wants to commune and be in fellowship with us.  How many times do you pray?  If you are a prayer warrior, how many time do you enter into the presence of God before you pray?  My experience has been that I will pray for you... and for my kids... for their futures... for your sick aunt, etc - but it is not often that I am truly still and in His presence when I do that.  A dear friend and counselor sent something to me that I will share with you - "It is easy to just say prayers without engaging your faith and will, but I'm calling you to pray in spirit and in truth where your prayers create reality. Come and commune with Me from the depth of your soul,not religiously but genuinely with a heart of faith and surrendered will."  WOW!  Last night I did this - prayed after asking for the Holy Spirit to bring me in His presence - minutes later we got the call regarding the fact that they were able to redo the paperwork and fax it to the SDA.  Today, Kosta was supposed to call us at noon to let us know if they were able to slip the documents in for processing today.  At 2:00 I once again prayed after asking to be filled with Holy Spirit's presence and completely submitted to God - within 30 minutes we received the phone call letting us know that they were able to get everything done and we were on track once again!  I am not saying that it will go our way every time we pray for something but what I am saying is that when we walk in submission and in His will, He does want to give us the desires of our hearts.  He is letting us know that He is in control and that spending time walking into the secret place of the Spirit is essential to who we are in Him.  And we wants this constantly... about EVERY decision we make - not just the big ones. 
4.  He will lead us - all we have to do is ask - DAILY!  He gave manna to the Israelites daily.  He didn't give a weeks worth of rations but only a days worth.  He wants to give us our daily bread too.  And if I am totally honest, one of the things that I am learning here is that He doesn't really want to just give it to us daily - He wants to give it to us every second.  We should be asking Him to lead us not only first thing in the morning but all throughout the day.  Once we get a taste of this, we won't want anything less.  Let's all get a taste of this!!!
5.  And much more that I will share along the way... :)

What does our everyday living look like?
It is becoming comical!
I can't fix my hair other then blow dry it. My hair is so fried that Andy asked if I could buy some sort of conditioner to help it not be so brittle where it literally burned off. I thought Afro Sheen might work but haven't tracked any down yet.  If I had only gone through one piece of hair when I recognized it was burning my hair off I would have been in great shape.  But NO - I had to start at the back then one small piece on my right side when I knew something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it - then tried about 4 big wads of hair on my left side before it hit me... like a ton of bricks... my hair is getting shorter!  Are you serious - this really had to happen on the first day of this long journey?  Oh well - I have always wanted to try a pixie cut and now is my chance.  Just wish I didn't have to wait so long before I actually got it cut.  There are a few salons around here... nah, better not!
We also do not have a functioning washer in our apartment here in Kiev.  So, Andy and I decided we would continue to wear the same clothes over and over again just in case we don't have much luck in our new "home" on Friday.  We wore the same pants that we traveled in on our 2nd day here and then on our 3rd... now we are in a game - how long can we wear one pair of pants before they start standing on their own.  We left on Sunday and we are still wearing the same pair of pants and only 2 different shirts.  For those of you who know me well - you know that I love showers and to wash my hair EVERY DAY.  You know that personal hygiene is important to me.  You know that I won't wear the same clothes over and over in the chance I might smell.  So you know that this is a big deal for me! 
Sleep... ahh sleep... it is ever so elusive!  I have been struggling with sleep - part of it is the time change and part of it is that our bed is horrible.  We don't have a fitted sheet for the 100 year old mattress.  It is just a sheet laying over the top of the mattress that only covers the top of the mattress... not even long enough to tuck under the mattress.  I will not ever complain about not being able to sleep on my comfy cozy bed again!  We don't have any wash clothes and 1 small towel for the entire time here.  I won't ever complain about a wash cloth having a hole in it again - at least I have many!  When I get home I will appreciate my 8 fluffy towels with a whole new heart!  Even without all of the luxuries we have at home, there are many things to be thankful for here... fast internet - hot shower - a small refrigerator - and many many more.  It just makes me realize that at home I have more blessings then I deserve.  You won't hear me complain about my floors at home anytime soon - or my couch - or anything else.  I just pray that the Lord keeps me humble and allows me to recognize all of the blessings I have every day. 

Thank you all - for everything!!!  Keep your prayers coming...
With all our love,
Karin and Andy

Day 3.3 - Paperwork Comes Through

At 6:30 tonight we received a call from Kosta.  He confirmed for us that the paperwork had been signed and completed and faxed to the SDA here in Kiev.  He was unable to confirm of the result of the docs here in Kiev, because staff had already left for the day.  So, what does all this mean? Well, had everything been finalized today, then we would have been on the ground Friday in Marina's district getting a lot of things accomplished.

Now, since it is assumed paperwork was not received today,  we operating with the following schedule in mind
1) 9am n Wednesday SDA Appointment where we received the bad news
2) No paperwork received on Wednesday, which means no invitation letter received on Thursday
3) Pray for expedited papers to be received early on Friday
4) Hire driver to get to Marina's district to hopefully get some appointments complete before the weekend

You might wonder how we're doing with all of this?  I can sum it up like this. He is Good, so Good. He is faithful.  He grants us strength. 

I am encouraged by your continued prayers and financial support.  Hearing your comments provide little nuggets of happiness throughout our day.

Until the next post.

Andy & Karin