I am so excited and so sad all at the same time!
For the first time since we came home from the Ukraine, we communicated with Marina in real time. She wasn't able to Skype but she was able to communicate with us back and forth on Facebook.
For about 2 weeks we didn't hear from her. We were actually getting a bit worried until Andy realized that she might be at camp. In order to give the orphanage workers a break (and in hopes of facilitating adoptions), the kids get "hosted" during the Christmas holiday and during the Summer (like we hosted Marina.) The kids that don't get hosted go to a camp... which sounds like fun in the summer but not much fun in the winter primarily because they don't have hot or even warm water.
I received a message from Marina on December 29th letting me know the snow was melting at the orphanage... just a quick note to let me know she was thinking about us. I then sent her message... and then another... and then another... with no response. I finally got a message on Friday with her letting me know that she had been at camp and that it was "bad."
We can tell that she doesn't get to use her English there. It is getting more and more difficult for us to decipher what she is saying when she sends us messages.
The first message she sent today said...
"hi mummy i love u 2.in camp i was bad.and i miss u 2".
Well, as you can imagine, I was worried about what happened at camp. So, I asked her and let her know that we so wish she were here with us.
And this was the response I got...
"the camp was enside the forest and we have water cold brrrrrr.and i think once i saw you again."
I was so relieved that nothing bad happened at camp but rather she just didn't like it because she had cold water. And now I have to try to figure out what she means when she thinks she saw me once again. Does that mean she saw someone that looked like me? Does that mean she wants to see me again? Does that mean she had a dream or vision about me? Ugh... I wish I could speak her language. I wish I could communicate with her as well as we were when she was here. Does she wish she were here? Is she doubting her decision now? Does she realize she could have been sleeping in a warm bed every night with hot showers and warm clothes? Or is all of that wishful thinking on my part?
I am at the point where I ache for her. I want her to make different decisions. I want her past to be different so that she can make different decisions. I want her to feel loved and accepted even in a way that was too difficult for me to make her feel. I want her to feel love in a way that only Christ can really live up to. I want so much more for my sweet Marina. It is almost as if it is getting harder and harder to accept her decision instead of easier and easier. Is that because I am feeling less angry at her for making the decision to begin with... is it because more time has passed since I had to face the daily challenges of loving a very hurt and angry child... is it because I feel like I can hear it in her "voice" that she is beginning to miss us. After all, she is now initiating communication with both Andy and I and calls us Mummy and Daddy (not mom and dad which are much more generic) and tells me she loves me (and the girls) on most of her communications? I don't know... I just don't know.
What I do know is that the Lord is in control. He has this. He has her. He sent us to her for many reasons - one of which is so that we will pray for her daily, if not more. He is taking care of her in the way He knows is best for her. I also know He wants me to continue to ache for her... so that I will always drop to my knees on her behalf. It is also a constant reminder that I need Him... always and in everything.
Please continue to pray for Marina! I honestly believe that our sweet Savior will bring light into her darkness at some point. We cherish your prayers for her... thank you so much!
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